The vibrating part of my dildo broke, now I have to rely on gyration.
So the dentist told me I couldn't suck on anything. She emphasized ANYthing.
he sent me this 10 second long video of a gorilla eating a banana on my phone. no explanation. I didn't even have his number. just. a gorilla eating a banana.
So he told me he didn't have a condom, paused, and then said "so, pulling out" and tried to high five me.
Plus you know he's just 2 semesters and 4 glasses of wine away from "experimenting" with some French major
As i looked at his penis, it stared back into my soul. No more drinking games.
i'm totally cool with all the dick sucking you're doing down there, but as your brother i think i'm supposed to warn you our parents will be home in 5
I'm instituting a new rule. If you wake me up at 3am about wrinkled blankets, I get to throat punch you
If you can't seal the deal with her, I will. And you know I'll be successful. So there's your incentive
I need to wake up with a beard between my thighs more often, I'm a fucking saint.
He said his name was Tony, after last night I will refer to him as Tiny
All I remember was my mom walking through the door, and then me asking her if she wanted a hit.
You sent me a pic of you peeing in two separate directions
and like half a dozen dick pics
He fucked me while I was smoking his blunt. His apartment was trashed and he drives a van that looks like it’s been hit by a train but still 10/10 would fuck again.
My Mini-Van Handjob Milf is leaving the company. I need to find a new job. I can’t handle this place without those handjobs
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