Just convinced airport security that im sober. All i do is win.
You're always adorable, but when you're drunk, you're like Chia Pet adorable.
If she doesnt understand your inherent need to teabag an emo chick, do you really want to be with her?
I'm still seeing blue. who wrote on my bare nipple?
Sean getting laid is an anomaly, Sean banging the hottest single girl at the wedding is a fucking unicorn being ridden by a leprechaun walking through mordor.
As far as drugs go, alcohol has all the elegance and precision of hitting yourself in the head with a hammer.
Everyone else in class agrees the weed smell is coming from me
If you got tons of KY ads on HuluPlus, it's because I hit "relevant" every time.
I cunt my lip shaving. That's not a typo, it's a placement clue
I just want to return to LA when the weed and dick is plentiful.
oh man that would be weird.. i feel like we should do dirty things before anything super intimate like a massage.
I only want to come over for sex and blueberry pancakes
We broke my graduation cords last night when we used them to tie each other up during sex last night
Normal people find beers in their gym bag, right?
Woke up with a girls naked next to me I had her thong on somehow.
Randomize
