I might come over and watch a movie but I can't spend the night. my parents would wonder where i was
you're 26.
Your date looks like the Cloverfield monster. good luck.
the best things in life are free. have that freshly fucked look and doing the walk of shame by HIS girlfriend.....priceless
I'm not sure what happened last night, but I have someone stored in my phone as 'Aftershock'
I just taped a plastic bag to my ceiling for the next time I have to throw up on the top bunk. Why am I so good at college?
Get in the lobby, you have to sign my boxers
You had me sold at "fucking you down the slide"
who am I kidding I don't have any dignity. Plus we're not doing a porno, we're just doing random things naked
She was eating whipped cream out of a plunger at 3 am in the morning. Yet somehow she still had an elegance about her.
It's getting increasingly easier to use his emotional instability to my advantage. That's about all he has going for him right now.
I don't know what to be prouder of: the fact that last night i was able to successfully find my way home from evanston with 3-d glasses on, or that i was able to make my way around my house in the dark with my pants around my ankles
I was cracking open beer cans, throwing them off the roof, and yelling "FRAG OUT!"
I'm about to order this penis-casting kit so text me within 5 mins if you're not down
She pregamed while taking a shower. Came out clean and drunk.
Dude on the shuttle bus eating a Butterfinger and watch porn on his phone and doesn’t give a fuck who knows
We need to get on his level
Randomize
