how do you spell 'special'? like slow?
S P E L L C H E C K
No you dumbass thats not right
6 figure salary? he just got a little cuter.
halloween makes it hard to decipher real cops... from sexy men dressed up as them.
This hotel is not contributing to my sobriety, they have 4 kinds of free wine and beer.
I didn't wanna be that girl that took a shit in the ocean..
Beware of calls from Dad. I just had a longer than I would care to admit convo about the ididarod. Apparently it starts tomorrow.
She just referred to her vagina as "this bitch".
We make out exclusively when we're drunk. That's like a relationship for me, right?
Bring condoms and burritos. The rest will fall into place
Dude, you passed out sitting straight up AND in mid sentence last night
It was rough. I have dried puke in my hair and I don't know if it's mine or from the girl I met on the ground waiting for a cab.
There's just no proper way to thank a man for that many consecutive orgasims.
my nextdoor neighbor called me saying "um hey, your mom just stumbled into bed with me and my husband, can you please come get her?"
Pro tip: When you spend the afternoon banging your boss, don’t meet your mother-in-law for dinner if you still smell like cum and watermelon flavored lube
After he finished, he fell on the floor and whispered "finally satisfied"
Randomize
