we were having sex in the shower and he dropped me. try explaining THAT to your concerned little brother
i'm going to be honest, my vagina smells.
I may or may not have eaten the rest of your birthday cake last night after getting blazed and watching harry potter.
i think you have the wrong number
so then it wasn't your birthday cake. k, cool.
This cougar at my work just said "big breasts" referring to poultry... Still resulted in a boner.
He told me to fart on his lap because the vibrations turned him on
And you kept hanging up and calling back because you thought I wasn't greeting you properly.
I wish you could buy pregnancy test at the liquor store, it's the only place I feel comfortable being a disgrace because I know they understand why it happened...
My cousin's dog just exhaled smoke. My job here is done.
Washing vom off hardwood, so much easier than carpet. Thank you adulthood!
We talk about tequila and blow jobs the way that normal people talk about the news and the weather.
To confirm, you are a grown ass man and you just asked me what her vag looked like.
Literally this kid just told me he's not planning to live past 30. Then he hit himself with a frying pan.
You should know two things about me,,,1) I am highly sexual and 2) I am HIGHLY competitive so you telling me about how much sex you had with the other girl makes me say "challenge accepted"... you should hydrate.
I'm standing up, for my all my brothers and sisters, and fighting against whiskey dick.
I’m going to have to rewatch all of them. Drugs, man.
Randomize
