i cant believe jose lima did steroids
apparently the kind that make you shitty at baseball
answer the phone. i thought i was eating cheese but it was butter. i ate a lot of it.
If I EVER think it's a good idea to blow someone who just showed me their synchronized swimming performance on youtube again please correct me immediately.
I'm using her two yr old as a arm rest while I attempt to feel her up. Somehow she is allowing it. How this transitions to sex should be interesting.
Apparently he proposed after he saw me chug vodka out of a traffic cone.
Get your penis over here NOW. emergency
My roommate comes home screaming, I brought you home a friend! I thought she brought me a guy...no, she brought home a one-eyed shih tzu.
I feel like a Europe failure cause I'm coming home from the club at 3:30 and so many people are just arriving... Wtf? 3:30am People! Drink earlier!
It's a Tuesday.
You forget how awesome toilet paper is until you have to wipe your ass with a piece of notebook paper...
Yea. I feel great. My life is great. My job isn't as shitty. And my daddy loves me. I love strip clubs. Great self esteem boost.
Instead of a fine and a few hours in jail he chose to get tasered, break his neck and shit his pants
I have vodka and 50 pizza rolls best spring break ever
I'm now consulting a magic eight ball on all major life decisions. On another note I think I have chlamydia.
Is this making any sense, because I’m puking and trying to be Philosophical right now
I think drunk me saved him in my phone as "beautiful man" to play a joke on sober me
Randomize
