sometime during the course of last night, i decided to get donuts for this morning. i'm a fucking genius when i smoke.
What do you do when the person in the stall next to you says they're jealous?
flashcards smell like vodka and my textbook is in the toilet. ready for the final
Yes, you did come over last night. You also tried to give my dog a blowjob. You got rejected.
He's drunk and putting on a tie for the jimmy john's delivery guy
i just successfully used the word "hymen" in a paper...welcome to senior seminar in lit.
oh my god. were standing in the kitchen and were chanting "EYEBROWS" and shaving peoples eyebrows. I have work tomorrow and want to keep my eyebrows.
I found her sleepin on the side of the house in the rocks. so i woke her up and yelled at her and she would only come inside if i let her sleep in the bathroom.
She is singing the swedish chef song and throwing utensils. I love this place
I just found a plastic cup with panties inside of it. Let's play CSI.
it's only monday and im already failing all my classes. i give up. tequila tuesday is my only friend.
I paid for lunch, then he made a bunch of holes in my wall and destroyed my bathroom.
She was calling him Bob Saget and asking him to buy her shots....how do you think the night went?
Whoever thought of breakup sex is my new best friend
Breakfast sounds amazing but can we do IHOP instead? I have to pick up a Plan B pill and there’s a CVS next to it
Randomize
