Why can't I find a man that likes bush instead of a vagina that looks like it belongs to a prepubescent child!
Because men are children
Touche
there needs to be a "man fax report". like car fax. type in the guys name and bday and up pops all the bad shit he's ever done.
he let me wear his jacket and there was a magnum and a bowl in his pocket ... I think im in love
I'm more impressed with the spaghetti smoothie at the present moment.
Theres an amvulance here. It might be for me
I don't know who the girl crying at my kitchen table eating gravy from the KFC container is, but I feel like she could be my soulmate
Mom just posted ur drunk pix from Cancun in the newly made "My not-so-fantastic son" album. Thought you should know.
She dumped a fish bowl of alcohol on herself. Just like flash dance.
You said that my dog would "complete your puzzle" then you got naked and took it behind the bar
my taxi driver is listening to 50 shades of grey audiobook. this is uncomfortable.
I found my keys in the basement freezer. Drunk me is a sneaky little bastard.
It's becoming clear to me that I am not sugar baby material. I don't think I could handle old balls long term.
I woke up this morning fully clothed with a dart in my pocket
Did you just correct my spelling of a made up word?
No, I just was using your word in plural form
Sitting in the dr office she literally looked at my throat and goes have you been having oral intercourse
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