I wish i could convert my hornyness to productiveness. I would have written a fucking book by now.
so i was dancing to the glee soundtrack with highheels. i tripped. and the dildo fell on my face. i dont know what happened.
man i wonder what i would be like if i had never started smoking weed
Matt just took me to visit my puke stain from 2 weeks ago at the train station...I'm fucking impressive
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Either I'm a lot drunker than I thought, or he has three dicks....
I think I'm gonna have to go with the first one...
We're cuddling on the couch that me and his brother had sex on...this feels wrong
Just scrubbed my teeth for a good twenty minutes. Herpes is afraid of toothpaste, right?
I blew him and did charles barkley impressions at the same time. what a pro
I went commando last night, then accidentally flashed a police van...They acknowledged it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There are cops on horseback in our back yard
Cancun blessed me with a drinking problem
Why the fuck was I face down on the floor with you mounting me like a horse anyway? I'm so confused
I'm going to get drunk, come back, call my grandma, and eat all those scrambled eggs.
Realization: many of my behaviors would lead to me being stoned to death in a lot of foreign countries. God bless America.
Who knew removing piercings would be so radical?
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