I have all these new brothers and sisters I'm just now finding out about
i'm sorry for cheering you on when you were making out with him. i was just celebrating the fact he was decent looking for once
I wouldn't take my shot so you poured it on my face. Twice.
He asked if I wanted a dutch rudder. 1.) Who says that? 2.) How exactly does one do that with a girl?
I already wrote the apology to my liver. He knows whats up
she walked out and i tried to get her to come back but i couldn't remember her name so i just whistled... future reference: that doesn't work
I'm hungover in the park, and some guy just handed me a business card for his church. I can feel Jesus' disapproval running through my fingertips
When a man can't even pay attention to you when you're telling him about how big his penis is, there's something wrong
I'm pretty sure my intestines are bleeding but I'm still going to Orlando to catch that orgasm.
Nothing like banging your nurse in the shower while staying in the hospital
All I want to do is shower, but there is a keg in there.
7% of guys ive been with can get me off... I did the math!
I would just like to say that I had morning sex today to the Hamilton soundtrack. So.
Got pulled over today for going 90 in a 40 zone with my leg out of the window. Still got out of the ticket. I'm getting way too good at this. Wanna trade bodies so we can see if it's my boobs or my charm?
I threw up in 4 different Starbucks across the city before 9 am.
Randomize
