Dude, I woke up in the middle of the night and your room mate was just standing there at the foot of the bed, watching us sleep.. you don't remember me shaking the shit out of you to tell you this?!
This could explain the reason why I've been finding his clothing and keys scattered in random parts of my room..
AND THIS DOESN'T WORRY YOU?!
Uhh me and Jacque peed on the street outside the bar last night and wiped with flowers. I vaguely remember her repeating the word "fresh" over and over.
I told her i was enlisting in the air force tomorrow.....it was like the activation code to her vagina
Preparing for thanksgiving at home now by chugging bourbon. Less than a month to train!
No I'm not coming over. That Bob Ross drinking game is too intense.
I do. There's a bald headed guy whose kinda hot. I might rub his head. I've only had 2 beers
happy find a boyfriend by next Valentines Day. Its like a new years resolution but depressing
You serve our country by fighting in the sandbox, i serve our country by entertaining rich businessmans' daughters. We each do our part.
And I don't know if this is really ESP, or just a crazy feeling, but I'm pretty sure he has an std. Or at least a cold.
Pre-chapter meeting quote: "Why is there a bun literally taped to the shelf? That doesn't even make sense when you're drunk, who does that?"
This is stupid. I am not getting knocked up from fucking in his backseat behind a starbucks. I refuse.
I woke up an hour ago with orange fingers and a condom stuck to my head.. Wtf just happened?
Im crying watching 9/11 footage eating spray can cheese in my pajamas.
He was a half hour late. His excuse was that his brother knifed him right before he was going to leave. I didn't believe him until I saw the gauze.
Sometimes I feel like my vagina has a photographic memory of his penis. It sucks that he got engaged....
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