i just walked in on my sister drunkenly sobbing to sarah mclachlan. its time for an intervention.
didn't that happen to you last weekend?
shut up.
This is how I know I have no life... Jon and Kate are my emotional roller coaster.
i don't know how to normally transition into sexual activities without being drunk...
she's walking around the room telling people she can make the room move with her mind and then she shakes her head really fast yelling 'see?!'
Every one of her profile pictures looks like an ad for American Apparel. Of course she has syphilis.
When he came he kept saying "oh god oh god" and he sounded just like his dad. awkward...
SHE has hooked up with both me and my sister. I don't even know what to say. If she goes for my parents next I may have to kill her
Ok, but If I make this happen, my first born son gets to fuck your first born daughter
Luckily my prof thought I was puking from nerves and gave me motivational mini speeches the entire final.
There is naked swordfighting and something green and alcoholic going on in the basement. COME. OVER. NOW.
I've been asked to reupholster their slam-couch so I found some off-cuts of medical-grade, hermetically sealed fabric. She'll be slammed upon for generations to come.
The cat be actin like a 2:30 am poop is the time to tell me all about her thoughts and fears in life. No bitch, this is definitely alone time.
In order to save time, dignity and liver damage, wanna get naked?
You know I base where I go on the likelihood of me getting laid there. This includes work.
Last night was a sign that I need to stop sleeping with any girl that can quote the mighty ducks
Specially the ones that look like Goldberg
Randomize
