Don't worry, there is no such thing as a fat, old or ugly blow job.
She said she wanted to have closure sex.
Yeah well my vagina has expectations too but they don't get met all the time.
I was an emotional waste case that night. She made me stroke her ponytail.
Yes, he made a MIX CD for our booty call...
He made me eat donuts off his dick. donuts, jen. DONUTS.
The pastor just stopped the sermon to lay hands on me. THAT hungover.
I mean i can't really be mad...either way i was gonna fuck him or hate fuck him, so it's basically a win/win situation.
Yea i think drunk-me kept all my bar receipts, just to throw it in sober-me's face.
Yeah I'm at work. Nothing like the threat of blowing chunks on passing cars to make you feel alive.
Ever the responsible adult, I just realized that today is the Obamacare deadline, but I'm too high to handle insurance now.
I just wish he'd leave so I can vomit in peace.
Maybe whip a sausage around while you do it and pour some beer on you. Like a German white snake video
Word to the wise, never look up your hot young doctors on Facebook before you're discharged. You will find things and no longer be able to take them seriously.
Instead of going to my moms birthday party I went over and gave him head. I should win non girlfriend of the year award
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