You're not pinnochio. Lying isn't going to make it bigger.
I would like to thank collapsed soviet republics and fathers who didnt show enough attention for tonight's festivities
got in a fight at the bar because some dude thought i was being sarcastic when i told him "sweet mustache". it really was a sweet mustache
So J keeps drinking his last bit of drink, then spitting it out and drinks it again. Savor the flavor?
I guess I fist pumped too hard. I hit my mom in the face and now we're sitting in the ER.
When we told the nurse what happened, she replied with "OH, Well you don't look Italian to me!"
Note to self: don't jizz on a surface cleaned with Tilex. It WILL turn purple.
If she asks the cat was vomiting before I fed it fried calamari
1 tequila 2 tequila 3 tequila, floor.
*roof
It's like refusing a bong hit from michael phelps... You just can't do it
Once you jizz in someones hat, you cant take it back.
No way hahaha I have zero intention of adding him I wanna just join in on a three some but mostly just be there for moral support and snacks
I would just like to say that I had morning sex today to the Hamilton soundtrack. So.
I hate him but I love him for what he does which is me
This guy wants me to put ice under his foreskin. What!?
Cheyanne in woods. Ducks attacked. My toe is bleeding. We are gpsing our way home on foot. No worries
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