I would give my right arm to go back to college. Or maybe not. Would be kinda hard to pick up guys with one arm. Then again, knowin what I do now...I could take any freshman bithc with only one arm.
Dude, this old lady messaged me on Facebook talking about her grandson and wanted to know shit about me. I'd almost call her a cougar except she looks like mashed potatoes that have come alive.
I consider it a successful poop when you only have to wipe once.
Dude you have to stop using "I eat good pussy" as a pick up line
Putting the hydrocodone in Pez dispensers. Do you want Speedy Gonzales or Darth Vader?
I left my Thanksgiving family dinner puking in my hands from the worst hangover in the world
i've never seen someone face fit so perfectly in a toilet bowl
I feel like our low point of the night was when we had to start chasing with ice cubes and wheat thins.
You have like just as much sex as me and I have a brand new bf. That does not add up. That is not right.
He kissed my hand AND my forehead. I don't think this virginity business is for heartless whores like us.
cant tell, his cock is acting like one of those inflatable arm waving things outside the market
I'm drinking straight vodka and railing lines of adderall while writing a paper about the nature of Jesus. It's 6:50 in the morning. College.
If I hid at school to avoid the cops, is it fleeing and evading or just being a good student?
One of those days. Also, your pants are now in my protective custody.
so do you remember taking your shirt off and just standing in your bra at the bar or no?
Randomize
