Just watched Hilary Duff have a three-some on Gossip Girl...all I could imagine was that LIzzie Maguire cartoon girl freaking out above their heads
some how when im high sleep beats hunger...its like how paper beats rock it doesnt make any fucking sense but it still happens
i'm not the one sitting naked in my room playing with my boobs and a cat.
You need to tell your booty call to take some sudafed or something. I swear I thought you were humping Kermit the frog last night
he made a joke about you fucking his daughter...i think youre golden
Beer pong consisted of me throwing a ball at the wall and then falling over because moving my arm made me dizzy. I think our team lost.
I feel as if we moved beyond the hook up stage when she blew me as I drunkenly finished my chicken nuggets.
Welcome to drunk texts. Live from Margaritaville, it's Saturday night!!!
There's scrapes on the inside of both my thighs.. Because we wanted to get drunk and climb trees naked.
he's singing something in russian and knocking over my plants with his dick, get his drunk ass out of my apartment
HE STUCK IT IN THE FISHBOWL WTF
I suppose we should both be prepared for the secret service to come visit us after this conversation. Hi NSA.
We kind of crashed their funeral party. Oops.
I think the God that I only kind of believe in, definitely hates me.
This toilet bowl is my home.
I really wish you were home bc youre the only friend I could ask to use an at home waxing kit on my vagina. I need you.
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