I knew I shouldn't have slept with her...my dick looks like a stegosaurus tail
We can't have sex anymore. The amount of money I've spent on meds and copays for UTIs is getting ridiculous
you were cooking a hot pocket with a grill lighter what did you want me to do
was it you or me who tried to make the, what appears to be, nacho cake in the oven?
Since you haven't talked to me since the rancid whipped cream fiasco, I'm going to assume we are no longer hooking up. But I need my handcuffs back. ASAP.
I'm sorry I dragged a dildo (on a leash) into your room last night.
Seius question. Does a penis floar when ina baht? Must find out.
i took a picture of my dick. with a stick figure drawn on it. and a paper hat taped to the tip. and i call i the mayor of Dickville
i woke up and found a picture of his grandma in my purse.. im a kelpto
He threw me over his shoulder and carried me outside, all the while drinking from the bottle of rum he was holding, while my ex watched. I'm winning the break-up.
DUDE FUCK CALL ME SHE HAS GRANDKIDS
I sit across from him at graduation so I get to stare at him and think about how I fucked his step brother and laugh to myself
Dentist appt at 2pm get milk poured on my tits by 2am
A marvelous 12 hours
Making friends with the guy who had alcohol-infused whipped cream was the best decision I made all night.
i didnt realize that your first thought would be SEXUALIZING BREAD
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