It's a pity Stephen Hawking can't do sarcasm.
My T9 text prediction thing keeps predicting every next word is going to be "midgets".
Is it bad that I had sex with another guy on my boyfriend's bed while he's out of town?
Just flip the mattress, it erases all
Done and done
The frequency that you give me blue balls couldn't be healthy.
I can't believe we just used the phrase "jizz to juice ratio" in casual conversation.
Also, I had a dream I had a ray gun and woke up holding my dick.
He bought me shots at the bar as his way of of paying me back for Plan B
and i'm pretty sure he drank the lava lamp
Going stoned out of mind to my sociology exam because it's really just a pizza party. I love community college.
I got a letter from the home owners association saying its against policy to have sex on the trampoline.
so she gave me back a bag of clothing, had some boxers in it...they werent mine.... well that sums up 5 years of my life
IM HUNGOVER AT MOTHERS DAY BRUNCH AND A NUN FROM CHURCH JOINED US
I spilled wine on my pillowcase and I figure it's basically my lifeblood so I'm just leaving it
I give out orgasms like candy and ride a motorcycle...how is that not appealing
i cant go to his party cause last time i pressed the red buttons on the wall and the fire alarm went off for 40 minutes, i'm not allowed back there
Randomize
