How drunk are you??
I'm flawless.
finally nailed that neighbor chick. hopefully i can get her wireless password now. free internet trumps moral standards any day
Same, I didn't even get to be tarzan this summer
turn left when you see the girl thats puking on the sidewalk. she hasnt been moving much so she makes a good street marker
It's not my fault I help girls realize they're lesbians.
We followed the campus tour around in a golf cart drinking PBR and blasting "Sexual Healing."
luckily my workout playlist doubles as a masturbation playlist.
He doesn't have any game.. I mean, his one move is forwarding chicks pictures of his penis.
You were trying to swim on the floor while eating a hot-dog bun and laughing about how much you hate bread and didn't understand why you were eating it..
Just got a voicemail from a guy referring tp himself "as chest hair guy". If I'm coming home to a intervention I understand.
If we laid all the dicks that's have been inside of us end to end it would be as tall as 4 story building. 40 feet of dicks.
just saw a sign in the bar that says "no more naked fridays". Where the fuck was I on these naked fridays?
I spy something regrettable...
Oh my god. Stop!! It was one time and I still can't believe it.
I would rather suck a dick or two than go there
My mom is worried I'm not eating enough protein so she's sending me 48 cans of tuna. That's not a typo.
Randomize
