Oh i forgot. I hit on a mentally challenged girl too.
Did you see the soccer ref give that girl the red card as she was being kicked out of the party?
if she mentions anything about chili and my phone, just go with it
I just experienced a full blown christian wedding. I am SO GLAD YOUR WEDDING WASNT THIS.
Are you pooping in the stall next to me?
Maybe....
Cause I just heard a fart and it sounded like one of your farts.
It's like trying to pry an octopus off you. Except the octopus speaks English and can get drunk.
Doing lines of cocaine in the bathroom and the word 'better' do not belong in the same sentence.
You fell on your face and the waitress just brought you a fresh drink
In between rounds of sex, you stopped and did drunken handstand push-ups.
Get his dick out of your ass and put on some pants we're here
Dude, half of south Mississippi has seen my taint. I'm not worried.
He was the highest I've ever seen. Almost had him convinced there are only three colors in the rainbow...
Hey, YOU try working out drunk every night! Besides, I think at least one of those bruises is a hickey.
There was puke outside of my classroom and lecture was half empty. Damn thirsty thursday is intense
Just saw you run by my class yelling "fuck you!". Good luck and stay human!
Randomize
