there is a homeless man oan crack poledancing on a fence... now hes humping it...
What are you wearing to our high school reunion?
I don't know, What kind of dress says "I feel sorry for you people?"
Why do i always get involved with 3 women at once?
Because life brings drama and thus like moths to a flame, women
How long after st. Patrick's day is it ok to shit green before I should seek medicial attention?
Just watched a UNI fan at the bar lick the tears off of a KU fans face.. See what march madness does to people
I don't know if I have the sustained energy level for partying hard
Not a choice. You are mistaking my comments as options. My statements are facts. This is what is happening.
I'll check it out in the morning. Tonight has been reserved for getting baked and covering myself in kittens because THAT IS AN OPTION.
I woke up at 4 am. Literally pissed. No idea what happened. I could have fucked a cow.
They had to stop us from skinny dipping in the reflection pool of the Mormon temple.
Maybe next year when I'm 30 I will be over puking at lunch on Fridays. Maybe
I manage to fit my wine bottle in my koozie and the rest is history
My husband just came over to kiss me and said, "careful, I got a block of cream cheese in my pocket"
I'm eating chocolate cake while this guy snaps me from the gym. Like I cant believe i actually considered getting rid of this cake. Have fun sweating ima eat this cake 👌
After 2 minutes he came and said, "thanks for everything". I can't wait to hear what he says next time when I do more than just lay there.
Remember those neighbors I thought were FBI agents? Turns out they're DEA.
Randomize
