1:12am: That's just how i roll, and this dress she is wearing is dirty and needs to get pulled over her head.
Ok pretty sure I just saw Mike O'Malley walking through the parking lot. I wanted to see if I followed him, would he lead me to the acro-criag, i've always wanted a crack at that bitch.
Oh my god my life; so much cake and so little sex
answered a 6 am booty call this morning...you were still in the er so I thought what the hell
just an fyi, false alarm on the whole ghonnorea thing. you're safe.
in case you were wondering, even a BJ under a blanket on the back of a bus only lifts a 14-hour bus ride to borderline tolerable.
My parents are takin me for chinese food for my 4/20 present.
I fucking hate you.
It's like someone is grabbing my scrodum with pliers and just hanging there.
I'll be in my room with a breakfast burrito at 2:30. It's up to you...
Teaching my class, used paper clips to fix my hair. Too hungover to be a kindergarten teacher.
I had 17 beers 2 days ago. I'm not dad material yet
he sent me the greatest dick pic I've ever received.
he actually took the time to cut a fingertip off of a glove then put it on his dick like a beanie. he called it hipster dick.
I have loved her ever since she went down on my first wife
Fuck me I smell like cheese
if i hadn't ended our catfight by hugging you one of us might be dead right now
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