So we made editble underwear with fruit roll ups and fruit by the foot
He just left me a message saying he left the rest of the weed for me. Did i just get paid for sex? And if yes did i just get paid in drugs?
I basically get to watch her life fall apart via tumblr updates
Say something like you want him to fuck you behind a McDonald's. Guys secretly love weird shit like that.
I feel like my teeth are caked on with other teeth. What did I just smoke?
I just said "okay we have 20 minutes to get each other off, ready... Set... Go!" and he picked me up and threw me on the bed. I almost came just from that.
I know you all think its cute to drop me off in a different state when I black out, but I can't wake up in family campgrounds asking where I am. These parents are scared.
I try not to have friends with attractive fathers, it only brings my morals down.
Balls deep in an Orange is the New Black marathon. Bring food and drugs.
Someone put a huge skyy vodka bottle in our washing machine. My roommate didn't see it and ran it. The washing machine split in two. #life
your life is not complete until you watch a gaggle of murderous clowns dance to gangnam style.
also, what is the correct term for a shit ton of clowns?
I walked into the bathroom and there's this 6'5" cop washing his hands. He looks at me and goes, "Heard you singing outside. Sound real pretty."
No more tequila EVER.
Well, I guess my plans of staying around the apartment and drinking my weight in boxed wine are ruined. I have a date tonight.
8 minutes into the New Year and and I've already sent a nude...new year, new me?
I got wing sauce on the baby and licked it off. If you were wondering how I'm doing.
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