is it odd that your cat looks tougher than you?
He's either a really good actor or an actual prince, I'm fine with both so I'll sleep with him.
and i had to drink on "never have i ever unsuccessfully tried to seduce a virgin ginger"
while cleaning my room, i've found many wonderful things. one of these is the card you gave me for my eighteenth birthday. it's a christmas card that says "i want to stick it in your sponger"
One night stand. Woke up at her dad's house. She already left for work. Shit's about to go down.
Best part: she drunkenly told me I'm dangerous then slurred to my parents that I should watch out in case I fall in love with her. Then she mounted a pinata
Ohhh. Its been awhile. Vending machine hotel condoms are $15 here who can afford to not get herpes?
It was one of those "wake up holding a random metal flower" kind of nights.
Maybe the problem is guy has to ask his wife if he can go out to lunch with his girlfriend for an hour...
Just an FYI i'm going to get drunk as shit while you are on duty and attempt to not fall into the bathtub again.
Rodger that.
I got laid two nights in a row
And none for Gretchen Wieners...
He sent me a dick pic. I am fighting the urge to send him a "sorry for your loss" card.
I drank a fishbowl of liquor and next thing I know I'm sliding into Zach Galifinakis' DMs
Honestly, I am sitting in my room watching Ciara videos and thinking I am super jealous of how she rides it.
I love how we can bond over the fact that we're the only ones who think the guy I drunk hooked up with looks like Voldemort
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