No. I broke it. Note to self, never take a shower with your phone in your pocket.
The girl behind me at the dollar store said couldn't wait to get her permit, then requested a pregnancy test. God I love being home.
my nick name has gotton too long over the years..C.T.P.S.G.F.P.G.......cock tease private school groupie frat party groupie.
Tequila bombs in champagne seemed like a good idea at the time.
she bonged a coffee cause she was hungover. then she bonged a beer cause she got ambitious. then she barfed. then she had to start over again.
She was literally passed out in a cubicle with a flask in her hand. I LOVE finals week!
The stripper just invited me to take shots with him out at his car after he gets off stage.. I mean why not? I've already seen everything he's got and it'll be easy to get him naked.
When I realised he had a girlfriend I just started telling them about my ex and how I write poetry about him. Which I then read to them. They just gave me pity looks and left me to finish my spliff alone.
Lucas & I had a photo shoot with her cape & I had child arm floaties on most the night.. woke up in a spiderman bed
I was gonna buy a KIA, but then I remembered how awesome the sex was in the back of a Hyundai so I went with that.
God gave me a talent besides one night stands. I feel like I should use it
If you think hives from an allergic reaction to lube is funny, remind me to tell you the story about how I got a black eye from masturbating.
she was concerned about my dick piercings.
They think I fractured my spine while doing your cousin on concrete.
Can’t fucking wait for Tuesday night. Have another situation that popped up. I swear my life is like a cross between a soap opera and a porno
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