So my shaver died while I was trimming...ya know. And now it is half way done. I don't think there's currently any aesthetic in keeping it this way...
i'm pissing behind 7/11. if you guys leave... i'll think it's funny too
and thats when i went through the window and a shard of glass got stuck in my ass. the doctor said it was the best injury hed seen all month. i am a champion of life.
In retrospect, getting to second base BEFORE anal wouldve been a good idea
If im still in the bathroom puking when the sirens go off please distract the cops.
I'm sober in pajamas at a bar. Nothing is ok about that statement.
So im on with some ukrainian stripper for a vodka tasting tomorrow. If I die tell my family im awesome
you trust me enough to eiffel tower a girl but don't trust me with a mallet wtf happened to our friendsship
Currently in the bathroom stall of a gay bar in new haven giving myself an anti throw up pep talk
I told him if he wanted to lose weight he had to learn self control. Less than ten minutes after that I ate a cookie off the floor...
I FUCKED THE WRONG FRIEND HELP ME
Come eat Chinese buffet and watch us trip on acid. It'll be fun.
My vagina just clenched in fear
She meowed at me. Repeatedly. Then she asked what was wrong with me because I didn't understand her.
I found condoms in the back yard from you and your boyfriend. My house isnt a motel
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