how the fuck am i supposed to make breakfast with spaghettios and mustard
man, i hate rosetta stone. i wanted to impress this girl with italian last night but all i could say were things like "a blue airplane" and "he is wearing a white shirt"
He said he only talked to me because I talk dirty in bed.
Come on the kid is gayer than me
Like the straightest thing he could do right now is take it up the butt
i'm lost and i look like a hooker
Is it wierd that I kind of wish I could hang out with Melissa Joan Hart?
my parents are out trying to convince the local liquor stores to post "do not sell our daughter alcohol" flyers. i'm preping my defense now.
i just missed the spain goal because i was puking in the bathroom. damn you open bar.
they night at the roxbarryed us. came out of nowhere,bought us shots, and then the big one licked my hand? we got out of that noise.
I picked the lock on the bathroom door and sang him a song while he pooped. Why is he mad?
I feel like every picture I upload of him on facebook where you can see his purity ring, I should make the caption "something in this picture does not belong"
She's crying about either her ex boyfriend, her one night stand, or her own puke. None of those is worth the tears.
Only I could host a baby shower where the cops get called.
Does this cleavage amount say, “Fuck it, I’m over dating, let’s just fuck?”
Listen, she cheated on him first. I've known both of them since we were 12. They have no secrets from me. And yes, as a matter of fact, I absolutely did enjoy screaming out his name into his, soon to be, ex wife's pillow.
Randomize
