Dude just fell down the stars trying to leave class early, the prof just looks down at him and says"thats what you get"
they ran out of ice so they are using frozen shrimp in their drinks
We can't all go after the girl with the low self-esteem
Don't use the things I tell you while drunk after the bruins won the cup against me
It's like I'm snorkeling in an ocean of tequila.
I am trying to think of a way to tell him about thanksgiving and the following weekend in a way that makes me sound funny and exciting and not like an alcoholic
Also, just had a student offer to sell me Xanax. Want some? Just for like a rainy day. Or our memorial day shitshow. Or just another Wednesday night.
Congratulations, I drank so much for your birthday that I'm shitting blood.
When everyone ask you tomorrow go ahead and tell them I'm the girl that fell of safe ride and was all bloody.
You didn't try to help me when I fell on the dance floor. She brought me cupcakes. You're a shitty friend, suck your own dick.
Dead. I am actually dead. Also, worst nightmare confirmed: throwing up in a four hundred person lecture.
How are you and your magical vagina doing today?
She sent me a thank you card for not fucking her boyfriend...
Change the sheets & put your dick in the dishwasher. I'll see you in an hour.
It’s a hundred kinds of wrong to do Jell-O shots at home alone. Right?
I support drinking alone. But Jell-O shots. That’s a game changer.
Randomize
