You remember that guy Joey? The pastors son that plays Jesus every year?
Yeah?
Stuck it in his pooper.
Whenever I said your name you screamed polo and did another shot.
Nothing makes my dick softer than hot girls in rain boots.
Hold on there are flying pancakes I can't handle this right now
He took me by the hand and ordered me to make him vodka soup.. I think I like him?
he got mad when I told him his flaccid penis looked like a sleeping kitten
When you accidentally type "I want Prince William to fuck me in the ass" to your mom there's really no way to take that back.
you got me arrested i just think that goes without question you owe me a blowjob
Ugh why does it have to be margarita Monday. Why can't it be pants off dance off beer pong but with jager Monday.
We couldve played the bring a random boy to lunch game but i made him go home
I just found a voice recording from Tanya's bachelorette party when we found you drunk in downtown being harassed by a crazy dude dressed like a clown and we rescued you. Attached is a voice recording of me interviewing you after we found you. I titled it Carlos Batman.
My boss brought her husband's telescope to work, so all of us that work in the MMJ Dispensary got high and had an impromptu Blood Moon viewing party. I love my job.
I put on pants and a bra for you and you never showed up. There is no forgiveness for that.
Why is this not the first time I’ve seen the mugshot of someone I’ve slept with
Regardless I WANT TO BE YOUR SEX DISPENSARY. that is like the career I was born for.
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