White coat. Heels.
he told my vagina that he was looking forward to meet it
Was just explained ingredients in a four loko. Puzzles of the universe starting to piece together.
she was in the bathroom washing her eye makeup off with hand sanitizer.
Ye. Looking like it's about to be one of those mythical responsible weekends
I'm just sad for you. It sucks that the 17 douchebag asshole guys you're fucking can't morph into one nice, normal, non-alcoholic guy that has a drivers license and no criminal history.
It's not my fault you have a job and can't get drunk on Tuesday's. Don't take your frustrations out on me!
that pic of me and the hulking football player sure does come in handy when creepy guys hit on me at the bar.
For future reference, don't put tape on your nipples. Ouch.
I got laid two nights in a row
And none for Gretchen Wieners...
An "unreasonable amount of ejaculate" isn't a reason to be angry at me.
We were watchin sharknado and we hooked up while I had the Donald Trump shirt on. She said she felt like he was staring at her
WHY THE FUCK DID I HAVE TO FALL IN LOVE WITH A CONVICT
Someone fucked a stripper in their rental car, there is goddamn glitter everywhere.
I just wanna be naked and go frolic in the snow
Randomize
