I just chugged a whole pitcher of beer in 1 min. 9 sec. A whole goddamn pitcher.
as veruca salt said, "i want it now!"
uhh im not your indulgent father, stoned and im in the middle of making tacos. right now, tacos win
i just opened the overnight bag i packed at 2am last night. Apparently all i thought id need was a handful of quarters, mascara and one sock
We need to buy some popsicles so we can remind ourselves we're good at this.
God gave him joint rollers for hands
he put $150 on the cabs dash so 9 of us could pile in and ride 3 blocks to the apartment.
I called him daddy. To his face. Somewhat sober. What more could I do?
when was she peeing in the stairwell? why dont i remember this?
....because generally we only remember 40% of the night each, and have to fill eachother in. And that still leaves 20% that we will never know and its probably for the best
the evidence from last night is not good...
what evidence?
my underwear is on inside out, and there are french fries in my hair...
I swear she looks like a sloth.... I'll toss a coin...
The horniest man in the world doesn't want sex as bad as I want pizza right now.
How many ballsacks did you see last night because I saw eight
I hope so much that you got average or above average dick tonight because I wish you the best
Can we both just take a day off just to have sex? Is that acceptable as an adult?
if being 21 means slamming 99 cent margaritas at 3:00 in the afternoon on a Tuesday then call me Peter Pan IM NEVER GROWING UP
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