i may or may not be hanging out with a boxer who has a daughter tonight. and he just spelled "honestly" like "onistly". He has prob taken a few too many hits to the head but he's hot at least.
I don't remember. Are we still dating?
i really wish my pants would only unzip when im sober
Reindeer Drinking Games will soon commence. Get over here while we're still sober enough to answer the door.
It' a whole new level of walk of shame. I'm carrying his sheets since I have a washer/dryer.
Well, it's hard to say. Last night he puked a perfect circle around him on the floor, and then sat in it insisting it would protect him from the smoke monster. He's was still there last time I checked.
God I feel like the rain man of hangovers.
Is this one of those "if you didnt give such good head we couldn't be friends" moments?
I haven't been this unsober in a long time. I feel like I am observing myself. Like I am a test subject for alcohol. I wish my brain would shut up and let me be a normal drunk.
A part of me realizes this is a bad time to text. But I override it with my awesomeness
We did hand stand push-ups while beer bonging. Its now a thing
I'm tryna think of an appropriate time to say "when I suck other dicks they seem like training dicks compared to yours" but I really can't think of a good way to say that
I JUST SAW MY THERAPIST OUTSIDE OF WORK AND I DONT KNOW THE ADULT THING TO DO
This chick walked up to me in the bar and started making out with me, then grabbed my drink while I wasn't looking and walked off.
It's 1:37. You have 23 minutes to get your dick to the bar before I go home with the bartender... tick... tick...
Randomize
