Can I crash on your couch? I just came home to find my wife giving two guys blowjobs.
Two?
Two.
i effin hate jeff goldbloom.
but i totally would still bang him
I cant go down on him yet. All ive had to eat is olives and percocet. semen would only add to tomorow mornings discomfort.
I hate the Packers so much, I wouldn't cheer for them if they were playing al Qaeda.
I've really got to stop smuggling half full bottles of beer out of bars in my purse.
Haha o man how much you've grown. From beer bonging wine and wearing cargo shorts to well, beer bonging beer and wearing cargo shorts
He brought a jar of pickles to the party. So now I've had beer, animal crackers, AND a pickle since noon.
It's ok that you're screwing someone else while trying to get back with me, I'm banging three girls while I ignore you.
In the midst of you puking your guts out, you stopped, looked at the globe in front of you and whispered "America.."
And that is why we dont do tequila shooters at 1 in the afternoon. Because you go home with a beast like that
How fast can you get here?\nI need to ride your cock into the sunset.
I JUST WANTED TO GET SOME MOTHER FUCKING TACOS I AM SINGLE AS FUCK TACOS BRING PREOPLE TOGETHER OKAY
He lured me round with the prospect of sex and then made me proofread his CV and spoon. I fucking hate this guy.
I quit doing blow for him. If that doesn’t say “I’m in love with you and want to marry you” idk what does
What's the weirdest place you've ever had sex?
I don't think you're psychologically prepared for this conversation.
Randomize
