I just found glass in my funny face pancakes, there's nothing funny about that.
He came on my face and told me I looked like a gingerbread house.
I lost my virginity in that bed. You just layed in history.
Some guy just watched me feed 30 dimes and 3 quarters for bread and cheese at the self checkout at walmart. I no longer comprehend shame...
its like accelerated beer pong for children.....we train champions young
They found a chair, duct taped me to it, then gave me a bottle of vodka to 'make me feel at home'
When I start carrying a bottle in my hand, jumping from boat to boat with a grenade horn. YOU should know this isn't going to turn out well.
Everyone already knows you're a drunk, they understand.
Oh my god, I am the best RA ever. I'm teaching my freshman girls how to deep throat on bananas as a group bonding activity. I'm making the religious ones eat them for potassium.
If graduating leads me to stop getting naked at inappropriate times in public places I'm going to be pissed
I hate that you live in a gated community. I feel your guard judges me every time I go to your house at 3 am an leave at 5am
you didnt realize it, but you puked in the bushes in front of a church and yelled "GOD IS DEAD"
I'm on the Coaster ride of shame, currently sitting across two nice old ladies smelling like condoms.
You make any dick jokes involving sushi and there WILL be consequences.
Sushi is fucking sacred in this house and I will kill you if you try and taint that.
I thought I was really making her scream. Turns out she had a Lego jammed in her lower back.
He lit my hand on fire and bought me chicken nuggets. I'm in love.
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