dude i just heard a girl tell another girl 'what part of im trying to get laid tonight dont u understand?'
needless to say i wont be back home tonight
All she gave me for breakfast was raw toast. How can she expect me to eat raw toast?
You mean bread?
I just bedazzled my weight watchers points calculator. You can tell I'm gay.
I just don't understand how a line to ride a camel on a college campus could be too long for you to wait in.
The cops said we could pay $250 or spend the night in jail and get 2 free meals. I might pee in mail-boxes more often
I used his computer to order the pizza and the only thing he had in his search bar was 'text NASA'
if I just puked into my own hand, but then cleaned it up quickly, quietly, and calmly, am I still a trainwreck?
U can be a future sentaor's wife if you want. I'm happy with "closet lesbian", "tech prof".and "masters degree" all rolled into one. Drunken bar escapades pay off.
I'm actually kinda upset that we didn't consider velcro-ing detachable capes to our clothes before this moment.
Who the fuck gets injured on a merry-go-round? HOW IS IT POSSIBLE??
She's astronaut crazy. She will wear Depends and drive 12 hrs non-stop if you swipe right.
Challenge accepted
How do you nicely stand up a date that you're skipping for a 3sum
But seriously, I love having sex with you and simultaneously know I never wanna date you.
I've given up on the male species, I'm just going to be a lonely whore for the rest of my life.
Your ex spoke highly of your penis and it’s skill. I’m interested in learning more about it ;-)
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