As heartfelt as your proposal was- I will NOT marry for money- especially to someone who still owes me $700. You r officially pathetic!!
Is your liver wearing a sombrero yet?
No...more like a life jacket.
My pussy is not your playground.
i study at coffee shops because all these damn artsy people motivate me to work towards a real job.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He said if I stayed the night he'd take me to church in the morning.
ah. the first shower back home is like a baptism from the sins of the past year
im proctoring the SATs right now and im still drunk from last night. i really wanna tell these kids that this fucking test doest mean shit and they will just be constantly drunk once in college.
i shall enjoy my approximately 2 hours of being sober today
That chick needs a catscan. And fuck it, we're still ordering in a stripper
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Woke up with a text saying "when I get to see them titties again lil ma??" With 8 beads around my neck & an empty bottle of vodka in my arms.
"DO YOU LIKE FLYING KITES" WORKED AS A PICKUP LINE. SUCK IT.
We'll just charge in there, all pant less and fabulous demanding he give back her ferret.
All I remember is while we were making out M.A.A.D City came on so I pushed him off of me so I could rap along.
At one point I was convinced he was a snake and was going to eat me And I just accepted it
couldn't remember his name. introduced him as 'mr multiple orgasms'
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