I may or may not have screamed I'M ON A BOAT while having sex...on a boat. I think I was born to have sex with him.
I just lost $50 at the races, got drunk, and woke up to my ex-gf. Apparently the good decisions kept on rolling...
just dropped my bong into 7 pieces, and carried the glass shards around my house. dad saw the blood dripping down my arms, and asked if i slit my wrists. way too high to laugh at this.
WHERE ARE MY FUCKING EYEBROWS?!
Why did I wake up holding food tongs?
I'm going to need your assistance. I cannot walk back to the house in a bear costume.
I have no idea why I said that. I have no idea why anything happened last night, I broke my toaster making a egg. I'm going to quit drinking.
Drinking games this Saturday as usual although the ice cube tray game is banned due to last weeks incident
Sitting in back of morning lecture drinking a daqueri from my pink unicorn cup. Pretty sure the girl next to me smells it.
I spent most of the night trying to drink out of three bottles of beer at once. I don't have to be told the reasons I'm single
I think my favorite day of the week is the day we get to fuck
man fuck you i am a delight. you're the one who fucking set his tree on fire while high
He referred to our sex as "an Olympic event." My tits are bruised.
So is he the one who got away?
They all got away. I’m a catch and release kind of girl.
Who fucking spams baby shark at a sports bar
Randomize
