I'm playing wingman, but I want to pull a Goose and die.
Pls don't use the words alligator, purple, and sperm in the same sentence ever again.
My 54 year old father just sent me a YouTube link on my school email titled "Walrus sucks his own dick" and then wrote in the email "I wish I were a walrus". What the fuck is wrong with my family?
its a sex-hate relationship...no love involved
getting kicked in the face by someone doing a keg stand. just my luck
friends don't put videos of other friends on youtube puking on their professor on the first day
I'd say tonight was pretty successful. I rode an iron horse naked and sweet talked myself out of an MIC while wearing a bra filled with four loko.
I'm trying to get fucked by 4 girls here, and you're worried about verb tenses?!
he has to serve us drink and appetizers in his french maid costume for the Pirates game tonight. Bring everyone.
The Australian strangers convinced me to leave him behind when they started chanting Aussie Aussie Aussie, Oy Oy Oy, and told me they had a bunch of beer at their place.
O was like, nah, fuck 50-50. My version of bi is that i'm 80% gay, 20% drug-addled decisions. Apparently he's straight on hallucinogens.
When ur uncle gives you free weed, you take it
SOME DUDE PUT OUT FOR A MCCHICKEN AND YET YOU STILL WON'T FUCK ME
Been there. Done that. Still have his t-shirt.
We were playing fuck marry kill and he was eavesdropping so I said I would fuck him
It was like catching dick in a barrel
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