I just followed up on a noise complaint...only to find 2 girls in bikinis covered in jello with beer cans everywhere. I couldn't bring myself to bust that party.
I want to be a cop.
just gave a yankee's fan wrong directions to Fenway....welcome to boston asshole
I had to have the lights off to hide my face. I was laughing so hard I almost peed in her mouth
We ended up on a hotel balcony in Daytona where she lured a seagull down with a pizza crust she found in her purse and preceded to grab it out of the air by it's neck.
After she cried and passed out at four in the morning, I had a very lovely, very drunken conversation with her mother while decorating a cake into the shape of a penis.
Wow just saw this. Nothing like a little anal sex to ring in 2012.
And now she's hand feeding me pork rines and showing me her angry birds high scores. This is Vegas.
Apparently while trying to get up from vomiting in the toilet I grabbed the seat cover for leverage and smashed my own head between it and the bowl. I don't remember this.
No if my life depended on you fingering me just let me die
i am laugh crying so hard the guy next door stopped playing guitar
I'm so glad we both made out with him though. I feel like that really brought us together
Based on your 5AM twitter activity I gather you found MORE FREE COKE??
My sunday was babysitting three big, drunk, crying Swedes. Unless your day involved four or more giant drunk swedes I don't want to hear about it.
I'm slowly starting to accept that you have to be a sociopath to be attracted to me
you know your booty call is really trying when he offers to pay the toll for the bridge you have to cross to get to his house
He's such a jerk. If only his penis was attached to someone else
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