yeah she is the one who tells people i beat girls.. which ironically make me want to punch her in the face
He never called back after I emailed him my booty call contract.
i just woke up in the woods behind my house in handcuffs and a dan marino jersey ive never seen before
He bought me a flower. He's totally getting head every day for a week.
Woke up in a kilt. And it's not my kilt. Drinking was a success.
I knew it was going to be a good night when i heard another girl call his dick "Thor's Hammer"
You can't buy drugs with a ziplock bag full of quarters, chuck-e-cheese coins, and a starbucks giftcard.
watch me
It's just weird. It's like Big Bird dating Meg Griffin.
I raided the fridge drunk the same time dad was eating breakfast
2 things: 1) can you get hep from toilet water? And 2) do you know where we can get a new skillet for cheap?
Please tell me those aren't related.
I made rice.
Debating going to the grocery store with my vibrator still in, cause I can't stand the idea of it out. Lets do some risk/reward
Its was awkward last year cuz in the middle of it her mom bust In the room with noise makers and champagne
"he sent me a picture of a puppy in return for a picture of my boobs. He then captioned it with "look it's puppies first time at the beach". "
I'm determining which apartments I'm mostly to move into based on how suitable the kitchens are for sex .
Why did I wake up with a half-eaten burrito and a vaccuum cleaner in my bed? ...on top of me.
Randomize
