i just remembered that i beat off next to you while we were naked and passed out next to each other after last night... No Homo
I think "banned from Amtrak due to excessive projectile vomiting" would sum up the evening quite nicely.
i chased bacardi with meat sauce last night
I just found the gloves and lightbulb I stole. Did you pee on a ATM inside a bank?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I need to stop drunkenly getting naked. I'm losing all my favorite party clothes.
I will not hesitate to go down on a dick for some cream soda.
Teeth make me feel like a dinosaur. Can you feel yours?
There is nothing wrong with watching parks and rec all day then getting blackout drunk by night
who are you talking about my vagina to?!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Side Note: Everyone in my office is getting engaged and having baby showers. And I'm all like, fuck your joy, I just want more string cheese in my life.
the staff put glowsticks in the urinals of the porta-pottys last night and honestly drunk me has never been more grateful for anything in his life
I was so high I just stared at the papa john's app on my phone and cried
I feel fine lol. I tried climbing a tree but the branch broke and I got arrested.
I have blood and BBQ sauce all over my shirt. I blame you for the blood.
It’s gonna be hard being interviewed by this girl without remembering the time she showed me her nipple piercings at Dylan’s party
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