She is totes cute on her twitter. Which totally sounds like a euphemism for coot.
Measuring your booze intake in glasses is like measuring Rosie O'Donnell's weight in ounces.
I think the neighbors upstairs are trying for more kids. I want to run up there and yell "mazal tov!"
Is it sad that when she told me he has a small peen I felt like it made us more compatible?
His sister just told me that she thinks i'm a stupid bitch and that by going thru with this I'm ruining his life.
sounds like a hell of a rehearsal dinner
We are NOT roofying him just to get him to pass out so we can build a masive snow cock in his yard.
I think that's the first time I've heard someone say "this is the safest way of doing things" while holding half a gallon of jagermeister
There's a man with a stuffed dog and a can of dog food on the L. Should I break it to him?
Best not to. Some people need their delusions.
last night we were hooking up when all the sudden he just murmured "mm blonde". i don't know what to think about this situation.
I think someone cast a spell on the lazy stoner rich boy stereotype and it came to life and called me.
How the fuck did he think me asking about the possibility of a threesome was a rhetorical question?
Totally just got spotted hitting the bowl by someone else hitting a bowl. We gave each other a head nod
I'm not sure of this happened or if it was just a dream... But I vividly remember you walking down the street naked?
No actually I had socks on...
The only food I have to eat is weed gummies and magic mushrooms... This is peak 34
FIVE TIMES AND I HAVENT GOTTEN OFF ONCE
literally yelled NOOOO right before he finished .. yelled “five times and I still haven’t gotten off” when he was still inside me ..
Said “don’t worry I’ll get myself off tomorrow” to top it all off
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