After I talked about my ex for about twenty minutes, she just listened, sluts are so understanding
i opened her purse and found 4 bottles of vodka tampons and an unopened box of birth control...
He DELETED brick breaker off his blackberry why even bother trying to find something in common?
So I just went to student health services and on my way in there was a girl outside on her phone saying "I just dont want you to be angry" and on my way out she was saying "I have the side effects sheet right here" Someone started the semester off classy
why are there beer bottles in my dishwasher?
she's not going to take you seriously with an empty 40 and a sombrero on your head.
i can barely draw a stick figure let alone shave a heart into my pubes
Yep. Just threw myself a bachelorette party with my coworkers penis before I re-enter the holy order of monogomous relationships.
Well, she's officially disappointed in me. I have it writing.
I just found that video of you jumping onto my exercise ball feet-first and face-planting into my shoe rack.
We can just chill or day drink or smoke or watch law and order marathon or play just dance 4 or watch a movie or go to the movies or play hide and seek or hug, so many options
You always seem to be able to bribe me with tequila and Mac and cheese. This relationship of ours will cause me health problems someday.
True love is when you jack off and continue talking to the girl you like
Why do you text me weird shit like this?
Had sex with one of the guys from Ireland. Celebrating st pattys early.
Hey Cat, it's Michael. You made out with me for a hot dog last night and I feel super used.
Randomize
