just bought a $25 eighth from a chick who has a kid. i'm helping my community out right?
Someone just pulled taco bell tacos out of their purse in class....2 problems with here. 1) this class is nutrition 2) taco bell is not open this early.
I just found little boats floating in my bathtub....they are made out of white castle boxes, condoms, pickles, and corks. All the wine we bought is being used as the "ocean"....clearly we didn't drink any of the wine.....but I don't remember doing this.
dude uncooked spaghetti noodles dipped in thousand island dressing is better than it sounds
he literaly had a hockey helmet on and was swan diving off the couch onto the coffee table.
I want to own their dicks and all the attachments
I just got head while watching air force one. Harrison ford would be proud.
She's in the bathroom. Literally just told me she could make a guy cum using just her words. Not bad for Sunday brunch.
My phone keeps autocorrecting to the "st. Natty's Day Parade" and I'm completely okay with that
I will kick you in all of your body parts. All at once.
Find a vagina and bring it to me. Like feeding a tiger.
There's some band that practices next door to my apartment. I'm thinking we may need to check that out. I could be like, "Hey boys, thought you might like some lemonade and vagina."
Googling enemas while I get a pedicure ... My life in one senence
She was wearing a grass skirt and a watermelon bra. WATERMELONS.
I AM SMARTER THAN EVERY FUCKBOY WHO HAS EVER SWIPED LEFT ON ME
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