so I ended up banging her last night
dude I remember her. You sure it was a her?
i don't even remember
New years is officially the only time its okay to drunk dial your parents.
the only thing i remember last nigh is talking to some chick for thirty minutes about cheese.
One night stand. Woke up at her dad's house. She already left for work. Shit's about to go down.
You can duct tape yourself to me so we dont lose you and you dont have to celebrate your birthday alone
I'm hiding in a cabinet. I'm going to stay here.
Beer bonging to Ave Maria
You told her that she shouldn't be allowed to wear clothes then when her roommate asked if you like her you said "no I just want to insert things into her"
I stand by it.
He was talking up his golf swing like other guys talk up their dick. Is this adult dating or just another flavour of douchery?
Yeah. I couldn't figure out why my toes hurt. Apparently, the guy I was dancing with, kept running them over with his wheelchair.
In case you're wondering what I'm doing, I'll be banging an 18 year old this weekend. Repeatedly.
His face matches his life choices. Both are train wrecks.
I forgot to tell you, that tinder guy literally lives 15 floors beneath me. I have been creepily saying things to him like "I see youve got a hammer on the patio"
I think one make out session at a bar per year is probably the best choice.
well we woke up in different beds than the ones we originally fell asleep in, you were butt naked, and your boyfriend was sleeping on a cot in the middle of the kitchen. that might be why he's mad.
Randomize
