i may or may not have a boner. what are your thoughts
Im def. not watching the CMAs. If Kanyes not gonna be there whats the point?
It's refreshing to see you in something that is stained with something other than vomit and spilled alcohol.
Life is so much better when you know you're gonna get laid soon.
She told me to stuff her like a turkey. She actually yelled happy thanksgiving.
mom and dad are asleep. time to fish my half-full bottle of wine out from under my bed and give this christmas visit a pick-me-up.
"half-full" seems a little optimistic for the turn your night is taking.
and i'm pretty sure he drank the lava lamp
Just so you know there's a random man downstairs knocking on a door with a dozen roses and a 30 pack of beer. Unattractive or not, I'm inviting him in.
Just because im a good person doesn't mean that I don't reserve the right to be a complete dick about it.
Two word: claymation porn. Think about it.
I don't think I can ever express my appreciation for the things you text me.
If you two are having sex, stop. I have something really important to ask you about psychics.
Someone touched my vagina when we were out last night. The fact that it was you is inconsequential and I am still counting it as a pull.
Might as well permanently tattoo lush somewhere on my body and show it to people when I decide to drink so they won't serve me.
Not even joking, someone broke into the house to watch porn. The cops are on the way.
Girl this is ridiculous I told my self that I would stop having sex in stairwells yet it keeps happening
Randomize
