He can't get past my hymen. At least that's what he said it feels like.
You remember correctly you did get a golf cart ride out but it wasnt because you were special. You were so smashed you were screaming tiger at random golfers in the middle of there backswing.
She was wasted. Kept yelling "what if I'm pregnant" and trying to push me into the tree. First and last time I bring a girl to my family christmas party.
How do I invite him to our 4th of July cookout without sounding too much like "hey you were my first orgasm and I want your dick inside my while watching fireworks"
he had his head down and said he was listening for the buffalo, he had to still be drunk.
He literally stopped in the middle of sex to look up sex positions on his iPhone...
I'm concerned you might be passed out on a random rooftop right now. Not concerned enough to do anything about it. Hope you're alive. Goodnight.
when we went to bed he asked me to hold his penis so he knew i was there for him
Fantastic. I'm pretty cold, tired, dirty, and hungry, but that comes with an adventurous weekend. Who needs a wallet or keys anyway? I could totally be homeless.
It's like someone is grabbing my scrodum with pliers and just hanging there.
Then you jumped in the pool because your were convinced the scratches on your neck from the cat were gills and you could breathe underwater.
I asked the cop if I could see his dick- It's not like he could arrest me twice.
That happens a lot to the people around me. It's like I'm radioactive but instead of cancer, you get desensitized to the word cunt
I don't understand why you're so excited, it's my vagina not yours.
Dick. I'll go round and break his windows. I've been watching Sons of Anarchy on Netflix.
Randomize
