i get tired of guys telling me there married or they have a girlfriend. they act like it concerns or matters to me
I must say your penis is just as photogenic as you
I can't even use my hands i'm so hungover
I've had more sex in the two weeks since we broke up than I ever had in any two weeks we were together.
Alright we have to be drunk.before noon tomorrow. Its a new law i just got passed through congress. It goes into effect imediately
And is it bad that I haven't talked to guys who I haven't already dated? I feel like a recycle bin.
it says 'tasty bitch' in sharpie on my tits...
He told me he loved me. I didn't know what to say so i just squirted the baby oil at him
I was just lying down, dumping goldfish into my mouth and they like all came out I thought I was going to choke and die and people would be like damn that's so sad, she died laying in bed stuffing her face and reading kanye wests twitter, damn.
and then you called me a third time and yelled that you were stealing a puppy named Willow
Did my roommate wake up in your girlfriend's apartment in drag again?
After we banged he volunteered to ducksit while I went to work. I think that's true love.
I'm like 'WOMAN, YOU'RE 62, RESHEATH THOSE COUGAR CLAWS.'
Taking a shit in a Texas 7/11... not accepting phone calls now lol
He may be a manwhore, but he’s a very well endowed manwhore
That’s an important feature when it comes to a manwhore
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