You really coming over, don't trick.
why didn't you poke me back
I woke up naked, with 10 visible bite marks and a black eye. I'm just going to assume that it was a good night.
and then she judged me for using my bra as a potholder. hard times my friend, welcome to college.
he puked in my glove box, looked up at me and said "There's not much to say"
I just tried to text you by typing "whoa" into my contacts.
Let me know when ur ready so I can throw up one last time then brush my teeth
Please. That's just a patriotism boner. I watched Michael phelps win another medal and had to change my underwear.
turns out putting a tie on my unicorn onesie didn't make it acceptable "formal wear" and I found salsa in my cup holder
I was using my Beauty and the Beast blanket as a makeshift skirt because no pants
It was like, once I started flashing you, I couldn't stop.
Our first time hooking up was on New Years and we've managed to hook up every holiday since, I'm hoping this lasts until 2016 just to fulfill my American Holiday sex fantasy I never knew I had
I spent two entire hours explaining to a guy why I wouldn't make out with him. How was your night?
I know that you sometimes make decisions based on comedic effect, but losing your virginity shouldn't be one of them.
I just found a piece of dried shredded carrot on my bed
Randomize
