I hate ducks.
What?
they're sketch. like squirrels. squirrels are sketch as fuck.
do you think women who transgender themselves have the option of getting a circumcised or an uncircumcised dick?
puking up blue gatorade is not as nearly as much fun as it sounds
Can we please just celebrate being alive this far into the school year and just get drunk?
Gonna bang his former student. Clearly I am winning this breakup.
So the chick throws up over the rail from the 15th floor at the sky bar and I knew I would take her back to my hotel.
I vaguely remember telling a bum she was worth more than this
All I wanted was a hug. You dirty, dirty whore.
Did you know that scruff feels epic on boobs especially when they are covered in whip cream?
It feels like one of my ribs evaporated.
Sorry for rubbing my feet on you and repeating "good pony, stay."
He looks like he's going to feed me a taco and then stab me. It's probably a good idea he's a lawyer
If you go to Tinseltown tonight. First bathroom on the left, second stall. Avoid. It's still coming to terms with what I did to it.
Happy 4 year arrest-aversary! I promise no thanksgiving has been as eventful as that one haha..
So I just accidentally joined a bar crawl and got a free shotski of Jameson. I love life.
Randomize
