Whod you bang
your thong is hanging out like whoa
My friend is getting herself a tramp stamp that says "property of the half blood prince".
You know you had a bad blackout when you forget you held the stanley cup.
SHE JUST SHOVED MY HAND DOWN HER PANTS AT THE BAR
Don't text me with that hand
Why is there a keg in our kitchen? I'm not complaining but why is there a keg in our kitchen?
I can promise you that this new years eve will rival the one from senior year when we got that exchange student deported.
Well my dad thinks I wake up at 3 or 4 am every day. Really it is just all the booty calls, but I'm glad he thinks I am so motivated
I ate shit on a rock, and when I got up this car full of people asked me if I was okay, and I just sprinted away screaming "I am a banana!"
Just make it a game! Like 20 questions STD style.
Binging muscle relaxers because when ur 33 you can no longer SHAKE IT LIKE A POLAROID PICTURE for 2hrs w/o consequences. Fuck you, Age.
Like you haven't hit rock bottom until you have had to throw your own turd out a window
If my plane goes down do me a favor. Break into my house and get the batman costume and swing out of my bedroom.
She's not answering my calls
Well it sounds like you really fucked up
WHO HOLDS A GRUDGE OVER MEMES
so it turns out that when you ride the subway drunk at 5 am you wake up with a sailor in your bed
Randomize
