i just looked up and i was like omg ballsack and then i didnt know what to do
when your english prof writes "this was a real good paper" on your essay, you know you're at the wrong college
Held my professor's hair back while she was puking. I'd better get an A out of this or else the pics are going on Facebook.
Well the nurse forgot to take all my stitches out, so my surgical tools are peroxide, kitchen scissors, fingernail clippers, a pocket knife, and 11 beers. Let's do this...
We're having a serious conversation and I just responded to something he said with an emoticon. I am so baked.
I will no longer accept being cock blocked in my own bed.
OPIZZABONMYDICK
So I found a skull ring inside me this morning. I'm assuming its yours, so I'll leave it in my mailbox for you - it looks expensive.
So your bra was hanging in the Christmas tree last night at some point I think
My mom is currently out with her lesbian friends and I'm home alone drunk listening to the Les Miserables soundtrack. WHY DO I FEEL THE NEED TO COMPETE WITH HER?
He was so fat that he broke two of my ribs
Maybe it's time to stop screaming I'm a chubby chaser every time you enter a drinking establishment
Just took physics exam. I think this is one of those 'chuck it in the fuck-it bucket and become an art major' days
It's 2 am on the long weekend and what am I doing? Sitting alone in my room eating chips and queso and watching Rio. Fuck I need to get laid.
Yeah. We're taking this fuck buddy relationship to the next level. Sober weekday sex.
Shes the whorey leader of that wolf pack, and all the less whorey wolves report back to her. She teaches them the ways
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