I can't remember last night. I must have yelled at your girlfriend til she cried again.
Yup.
explain the missing patches of hair on my cat. now.
Then, he just started shoving orange pieces in my mouth as a chaser
im swimming of confusion and bacardi. where do i go from herrrrrre
I had a guy present me his prison release form this morning as id
His body is just chiseled out of sex. I would let that man do anything to my body. Including fuck me while my parents watch
You. Me. A bottle of Vodka. The wilderness.
Hey hey, in my defense we were just suppose to watch Disney movies from a blanket fort with beer and nachos. I was I suppose to know it would end in tears?
I went from naked with lasts nights hookup to Ihop in 6 minutes flat
I think that's a new house record
I just wanna get high and take a fucking awesome nap. Those are my goals for the week.
Well... This is my last night at the resort. So far, the only thing that has been in my vagina is sand.
I just gave them my two week notice. Now is the perfect time to fuck my boss's son
I finally got my restraining order in the mail. Was that supposed to upset me? I'm just over here like "TELLEM BOY BYE!-\nlegally..."
It's a charity event and she's wearing a cocktail dress drinking a 40... I found my future wife
Just do what I do and listen to your vagina. She’ll growl when she smells good dick
Randomize
