Someone shit on the floor
There is no way he is gay with that hair.
if I end up fighting someone to save $15 on a toaster oven then something went wrong earlier in life
you know how they say when you die, your whole life flashed before you? well do you get to see what happened all the nights you blacked out?
all ill say about last night is that we tried to stop you. oh and the bus you're on is going to nashville.
had to bail. she had her cat tattooed on her
just woke up to find an unpeeled banana, with a condom on, halfway into my vagina. this better not be you trying to be funny
She gives pretty bad head, but when it's in her dad's Lexus SUV it's tough to complain.
Their car went through the first bag of wine on the drive up...clearly 6 bags was not enough.
Well last time he got out of rehab he lasted 6 hours. So 3 days this time is quite an accomplishment.
She's beautiful tan and skinny she will make me hate myself and that's what I need in a friend right now
who are you talking about my vagina to?!
I've never been so drunk at home. I just sat on the toilet playing with toilet paper for ten minutes, I almost made a paper crane.
why does every cop we meet know your name?
My arm is completely dead, never again will i give you a 20 minute hand job. You better have enjoyed that asshole. I have to text with my left hand now.
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