I'm playing musical beds - it's not very fun
Sorry I totally forgot to text you back. When you texted me I was at work at the pharmacy and it was stupid busy. And then of course I had my 8 hour "shoot me b/c half of Loyola comes in to buy plan B" shift.
There is no way when we get home that nothing will hapen
you flashed the cab driver so we didn't have to pay the fare and then you decided you were on a roll so you flashed the guy at the maccas drive through... safe to say your boob job was the best idea ever!!
it's my sixth sense. If there's an orgy within 20 miles of me i'll know about if. Or be a part of it.
he told me not to treat him like a child and then started peeing off the trampoline
we had a ceremony where you passed your fake id onto me in the middle of the bar. i was on my knees and you presented it to me. i don't think the bartenders were suspicious though
Really? Uh ohh sounds like a double date with extra stripper funnnn
But seriously who drew a dick on a tortilla and nailed it to the door?
You were passed out in the OutBack Bowl Shrimp costume and when we asked you wtf happened you just said On Wisconsin.
I woke up to some strange woman rubbing peanut butter on my thighs
You need to stop telling people you gained weight over the holidays. You've been fat since July.
Why would you get kicked out?
Well, an overweight man is currently not wearing a shirt. Or pants. And is getting in touch with his inner Chippendale. You can probably fill in the blanks.
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
He’s exactly what I’m looking for: he’s got a broken heart, a working penis and a new boat!!!
Randomize
