How old was that tiny chick? she needs a lard iv.
i just told my mom tuesday boozeday rhymes so that she can remember not to text or call me on wednesday mornings
youre going to kill that woman one of these days
Why do I always give away anal sex as birthday presents?
Shut up... one mans birthday cake is another mans sodomy my friend
The last two calls in my phone are dominos and 911. I'm not sure how my night went.
I am sitting on the floor by my oven watching my cookie dough blossom. This is a whole new level of fat
Hands down the most disgusting picture message ever received. Thank you.
im here for your entertainment
I'm still seeing blue. who wrote on my bare nipple?
Sprained my ankle at sky zone REST ICE COMPRESSION ELEVATION AND SHOTS it'll all feel better soon
the potatoes in the margarita machine wasn't the breaking point. its when he turned on the stove and put a bunch of bottle rockets on it that i knew the night had prematurely failed
Im not coming back to that place until im drunk. If I walk in there sober Ill start screaming uncontrollably. Not words, just sounds.
Im going to bed. I'm seeing 7 of everything and my world smells like gravy
I probably won't go. Last time I got drunk with those guys I just started demanding people let me touch their beards.Then I mocked everyone who didn't have facial hair.
Just witnessed a man yell "gonna catch a slut!" at himself in the mirror while doing bicep curls at the gym.
I was...perplexed.
Is it good porn? Or is it more of that fucked up Cabbage Patch Doll porn you made us watch
I had perfectly good intentions but my penis had other ideas and now I need a place to crash what do you say
Randomize
