just come out here and I will go home with you...
Try not to bring up the fact that I woke up and couldn't find my pants... He might get the wrong idea.
your facebook page is a work of drunk art.
Theres a midget tsa agent. Just an observation
Sorry I can't go bowling with you guys. I'm getting daytime dick. That's the best kind.
Any time you can't remember a night, and you wake up in a sorority house, it's fucking worth it.
So you're mad that you saw a penis at a swinger's party? That's rational
Also, I cannot stop picturing myself in a bar, 3 years from now ordering soda. Just soda. 30 pounds over weight and wearing a cat sweater. I feel like I'm heading in the wrong direction in life.
I know now that the cab driver can get me a 10 dollar blow job. I'm practically a local.
you're no funn. i shall go consult my friend vodka on this matter.
Trying to Jedi mind trick myself into not throwing up. This is not the esophagus you are looking for.
I went down on her on the dining room table. That should count for something.
Strip club or gay bar tonight?
I am an emotionally compromised bisexual.
...its technically supposed to be for the bridal shower but I think I can find an ensemble that says "im hopped up on x. Stick your tongue down my throat." As well as " im supporting your marriage to my brother"
we are currently pregaming for our walk to the liquor store.
step one: admitting you have a problem. complete.
Randomize
