I want leopard sheets
haha sexcapades
thats the plan
dear life, i get it, drinking is not a contest
Sex on a trampoline was so worth getting a mosquito bite on my penis
Do you think unemployment will give me a christmas bonus?
I go to guys houses late at night, have a little fun, come back by dawn having made their life a little bit better. I am the official blow job fairy.
It doesn't matter if he doesn't speak English because I speak the international language of blowies.
I feel like we're taking advantage of the fact that our R.A has cerebal palsey.
So after I was tied with a feather boa he left me there with KFC and cherry coke
You need to come over. I cant get her to stop eating honey mustard straight from the squeeze bottle
I NEED ANOTHER LEVEL OF CAPS TO EXPRESS TO YOU THE MAGNITUDE OF MY FADDEDNESS
I want what they have, but in the meantime I have a whole bottle of rum to which I'm quite devoted
On a scale from 1 to the worst weekend of my life, that was an 11. I can see again, though.
Who would you rather hang with tonight, drunk me or high me?
It's official! Naked girl is back and making stir fry. Still not sure she realizes we can see her whole apartment from our balcony. Cheap beer and a show.
He was someone so memorable that I'd completely forgotten he'd existed up to and during the encounter
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