Obama just said the words "we're all in this together." I wanted to start singing high school musical
awesome recipe for disaster- bar hopping at the airport
She just said she finds Tyler Perry funny... this is not going to work.
He got so drunk that he tried hitting on a girl using nothing but his Samuel L. Jackson soundboard application on his Iphone
I'm gonna sleep with her just to prove to my roomate that shes a slut and he's wasting his time
My walk of shame got a new perspective when I walked into his livingroom and found his roommate fucking some chick on the coffee table.
It seems to me that once you begin comparing Jesus to hercules and calling him a super pimp you should put the wine away...
This is the first time since last march I'm gonna be going to a class for more reasons than wanting to bone the girl sitting next to me.
I got a Luke Skywalker costume so I can go do battle with the homeless guy who plays the fiddle dressed as Darth Vader downtown.
Went to anytime fitness at 3:34 am drunk after the the bar and getting whataburger. Lifted weights with my cheeseburger between my knees. That's called DEDICATION.
There is a 5-year old here fighting 'drunk monkeys'. He tried to knock a drink out of my hand with a plastic light saber...
I'm making mistakes. Coming up with girl now
I hate me. That girl was hiiiiideous.
Just used the pen i got in my signing ceremony to pack down my bowl. coach would be proud
I SHOULD BE TERRIFIED OF HIS DRAGON DICK.
I tried to fuck you in my bathroom while my parents were in the next room. I am a clusterfuck of fun.
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