you dont want to live with me, im always naked, a chronic masturbator, a bit of a voyeur and will likely touch you while you sleep. ps- i can pick locks
Steel Reserve is the RC Cola of alcohol. It's never ok.
I wish I had more reasons to start sentences with the phrase, "Here's the thing you've got to remember about cougars ...
I am no longer a man. I just realized I prefer Spongebob to college football.
he was actually really polite. he asked before he came on my chest because he "wasn't sure my stance on it".
yeah, he just sent me a picture of himself with his shirt off.... It didnt turn me on, it just made me want to buy him a big mac....
his semen tasted like maple syrup. no wonder fat girls always wanna fuck him.
she told me if people cross their eyes and look at her, they say she looks like megan fox
I don't know where I am and I feel like a hippo shat in my mouth. This sofa is comfy though.
No, he went to go get condoms. The least I could do was chug two beers before he got back
My roommate is either deadlifting a bus or having sex. I can't tell which
I don't think I'll get invited back. I drunkenly told her that her kids would be perfect for a pro-abortion campaign.
Went up to some dude that hit on Laura and told him he has a voice like a grandma. Apparently didnt have muscles or kindness like grandma so can you pick me up at the ER please?
He put his SoundCloud on his Tinder bio. I felt personally attacked.
I just wanna know if were done hooking up so I know of that condom he left in my top drawer is fair game
Randomize
