Did you REALLY have to twitter about our sex last night?
So I fucked an Aussie broad with huge feeders last nite 2x... Before banging her she was blowin me & I thought: "SHE IS GOIN DOWN-UNDER ON ME". Laughed out loud
I dont get it-she has sex with me but wont be my facebook friend?
you texted me last night and told me you couldn't find the toilet.
That explains the puddle of pee in my closet.
Hiding in the clothes rack at walmart like a 4 year old. Already scared 3 people. New fav weekend activity
I'm really tired of cleaning up my twitter the morning after
Theres a picture of you hanging up on the wall in mcdonalds, i'm impressed
They sext over her pic comments. Role playing as wolves.
I have been sober for so long that I miss hangovers... what is happening to this summer?
Wait. Wine + Crossbow..?
Like, you've got the smoothest dick in the west. Do you moisturize?
Yes I do
you walked around drinking beer out of a plunger and telling people it was a goblet...
What the fuck were you guys talking about?
Lube wrestling.
Oh, makes sense.
you yelled, puked and cried then passed out in the fetal position in your underwear
He’s disease free and drives a Porsche. What else does a girl need?
Randomize
