it sounds like her vocal chords are covered in pudding and rocks. come get me.
I wish you could see the look on my boss's face right now.
wtf?
Before you passed out in the middle of the NHL 10 party you had to prove that you were a better fighter than Patrick Kane. Your not. Thanks for the black eye dipshit.
HAH. HARRY POTTER CASUAL CONVO HAS BEEN EXTENDED TO DISCUSSING WEATHER. SO PRO
I am in the checkout line at the dollar store and there is a guy in front of me holding a pregnancy test, a chocolate bar, and fake roses. Champion.
I just ran up four flights of stairs in heels, im getting an orgasm tonite.
I was trying to be really smart and save 10 dollars for each cab there and back. ...so I ripped a $20 dollar bill in half.
I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE.
It's really sad that I'm trying to calculate in my head the type of place to have dinner that's worth anal
I want to throw all of their shoes in the pool so I feel like there is some justice in the world
I feel like getting drunk at the airport is sort of a rite of passage into adulthood, but maybe i should reserve that occasion for a flight thats not just 1 hr
Thinking of someone think of me while masturbating while I masturbate. & that's how the over thinkers do it ✌️
That was the second worst thing to happen to my asshole.
I don't know what happened last night. But I just woke up in the high school boiler room
He let me share his family pack of hot pockets with him. Chivalry isn't dead after all.
You ripped his router out of the wall and screamed "I have defeated the matrix"
Randomize
