Do u kno any dealers?
I've officially lost all respect for you, dad.
i feel as if last night was a right of passage. to officially be an adult you must have a drunken one night stand with a co-worker and go to work the next day still drunk wearing yesterday's clothes...
Can you put "designated driver" on a resume?
They're all gay and their wifi network is named HOMOS. I want to live with these people.
You made a list of reasons why you should be on fear factor. You came up with 2 reasons: "I like fear" and "I am fear"
in hindsight, the duct tape banana hammock was a bad idea.
Tell her to buy some booze and drink away her sorrows like an adult.
FRIENDSHIP PRAYER: May the crabs of 1,000 whores infest the crotch of the person who fucks up your day
I blew him while watching the aristocats. There were singing cats in the background. I think he he hummed along at one point.
He bought the 12 pack of condoms. I take that as a sign of serious commitment.
Last year I got a dildo in the mail on my birthday. Today it was just a credit card bill. Sadface.
My parents are paying for my knee surgery for my birthday. What costume will look good on crutches for my Halloween Birthday?
Welcome to adulthood.
I've never SEEN someone give negative fucks before. It's actually rather impressive. I want to study under them.
I'm going to reward myself for having sex with coffee and a breakfast burrito.
Put on your bikini and meet me at the pool \nit’s cock o’clock!
Randomize
