u cheatin on me?
if i did i would try to upgrade babe.
last night i told the bartender i only have 3 days left to live so i wouldnt have to pay for drinks
this morning i woke up with a nothing but a pair of what i believe are fairy wings on - and the bartender in my bed
he thinks ill be dead by monday and still came home w me.. WTF?
messed up. what color are the wings?
I just saw a homeless man dressed as a pirate. I love san francisco.
if tampons were more like dildos the world would be a better place
Yeah, she tried to drown her but then they hooked up.
Theres a freshman smoking a pipe on campus. This new class is setting a new standard we're not ready for
They're having lesbian sex while I play super mario world. I hope they like the music
She thinks I'm afraid I'm gonna get caught in one of my lies and some of the girls I'm fucking will find out about each other. But it would be a relief to offload a few from the old crop and work in a few newbies into the rotation. The organization could use some new blood.
this is the last time i am going to a 7am booty call
im glad to be known as "the girl you had sex with on a golf course"
Think I have the only job where I can be naked in a room with my manager at work. Apart from hookers
He just showed up in boxer briefs and loafers with only his phone and condoms
Ur here to start shit and I'm here to light that shit on fire
the cop found his r2d2 bong and asked me if i ever smoked out of him. i'm like, no sir. he's like ahh. if i were to smoke, it'd definitely be out of some star wars character.
easily made my night.
Not going to make it tonight. Some cougar at the bar just told me she has dibs on my dick.
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