totally just realized while washing my face that Cetaphil looks like semen.
He made a note in his iPhone tonight so that he would remember that I rejected him.
How do you say "I'm not pregnant in Spanish?"
I kept pulling the $1 bills off the stage and told everyone "no no no she has to work for this money"
It was all going great until he pulled the hamburger meat out of his pocket
We're stealing the mannequin. He's my new swimming partner.
totally just got a week extension on my midterm by telling my prof that I had just found out I was adopted
He's coming over, and I hope he doesn't get hungry. I'm sure its not proper protocol to bring one booty call to another booty call's house for the munchies.
oh dear god, that would be like watching to female walruses mate. We need to stop going to that lesbian bar...
I have 4 passes to the spa here, walking around with a robe on and putting cucumber slices on my penis. You guys should come hang out here. It's very relaxing
The worst part about getting "creative" and by that i mean baked is that i just wanna get laid right now and all im doing is eating nachos
It was fine until they started lighting shots of everclear on fire and making ME take them. That's when shit went down...
Currently googling hangover cures, which looks a lot like working from the perspective of my boss.
COCAINE AND SUSPENSFUL BBC SHOWS DO NOT WORK.
I just noticed, at some point last night I got on iTunes and purchased over 100 classical piano songs.
Randomize
