He like poked it twice with the tip of his tongue then left it alone. I'm sad.
Wearing a Sarah Lawrence sweatshirt is like wearing a shirt that says, "I'm getting a degree in substitute teaching."
not only did i climb through the window at 4 am but here i am 4 hours later for my interview at the mall and i'm staring in the dark pet store barking at puppies
I don't care if he acts like a don't exist 6 days a week. On the 7th day he makes makes my vagina cry. In a good way. Jesus understands.
It went from "haha, this will be funny" to "full blown anime porn fetish"
Someone is gonna learn how to start an IV in the morning
The cab driver thought we were passed out so he called a sexline...
No worries. On my way home to get ski poles and wipe the sick off my face. Then it's time to get drunk in the park
You're the Michael Phelps of my vagina. Most decorated Fuckolympian of all time.
Am I going to be on condom boxes?
This is embarrassing but i think i might have left my fake tooth at your house on your night stand.
This is a mass text. First one to reply gets head.
Before anyone claims this, this chick is in my boyfriend's phone as "Worst BJ EVER!"
Does that mean you're calling dibs or can I?
You know what, don't say anything. You all made fun on me for saying I would fuck him junior year when he taught us algebra and six years later, HERE I AM.
She said she wanted you to slurp her vagina like a spaghetti noodle.
AND I HAVE A NICE COCK! A STRIPPER TOLD ME SO IT MUST BE TRUE!
Had a job interview today. Walked into the room and said "IT'S GO TIME, BITCHES".
Randomize
