Do you remember getting into a Delorean last night?
She said I could do whatever I wanted to her. I pumped for 20 seconds, apologized, rolled over and passed out. I sit directly across from her at work. Awkward?
guess who just got paired up at the beer pong table with the fat girl who's nipples are hanging out...
"Does your mom know how big your cock is?" Worst dirty talk I've ever had.
come over i need a lifeguard for my shower
you kind of just crawled on top of him. that was the point at which i became concerned with how drunk you were.
THAT IS NOT SOMETHING YOU TELL SOMEBODY THE FIRST TIME YOU MEET THEM IN THE DARK.
It was like the Alcoholic Olympics...double fisting fifths with eight 40s in my backpack...running from the cops in stilettos. I will have bitchin' hamstrings come Monday.
My roommate is either deadlifting a bus or having sex. I can't tell which
Just googled "penis wearing a hat" i think it's safe to say nobody found my ex's lost phone...
Hey, please tell me that you and dad are having actual steaks tonight and I did not just get sexted by my dad
You took photos of my underwear around London the day after! THAT was too soon.
I mean I'm sad it didn't work out but tbh he he can't unlick my booty hole or unbreak his headboard... He won't forget my name ever
Hangover and judgement, the breakfast of champions.
His ass is a ten, but his personality is a two. Which would average to a six if I didn't have to figure in apologizing to all and sundry. In short hard no. Get a new wingman.
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