Hey sorry about saying i hated you. it was the coke and the ice cream.
brass monkey on radio. cant stop dancing.
I thought she was mad at me, but then we did a pose off and I realized we're friends for life
Why did that cocktail waitress get to sleep with Tiger for 2 years, and all I ever got for living in Whorelando for five years is a couple of pictures with Joey Fatone
he asked me if i had ever jacked off high and then referred to it as a "man-to-man question"
I just passed on expense account drinking, this must be the worst hangover ever.
I swear this girl is like a Cross between Danny Devito and Anne Heche....the Lesbian Years.
My right arm is handcuffed to my leg... Please help.
Trying to convince myself that everyone keeps staring at me because I'm pretty and not because of my hickies.
she sent me a picture of dilf asleep in bed with the caption "what happened last night?"
I appear to have wine on my toes. I am really not clear as to how this happened. I'm gonna have a little lie down.
I just fell off a roof. So I'm kinda chillin for a minute.
No more chicken and waffles served by drag queens at 2 AM. :(
I'll take care of you. Just let me pee on this old white person's car first.
Note to Self: Never again eat a weed brownie by yourself two hours before a tornado warning in your exact location.
Randomize
