Question: If I woke up with one eyebrow mysteriously missing, do I shave the other one to match?
Joey just asked me if I ever got anything stuck in my vag.
was it embarrassing when you had to say yes?
if that dog is afraid of alcohol then he's no dog of mine
I just got a flashback from Saturday night of you helping me wash my feet in the bar's bathroom.
According to the red cross, I'm not suppose to do anything strenuous for the next 24 hours. That means you're on top.
Take a good hard look at your life. And the number of 18-20 year olds that you have made out with in the last 6 months... and then keep doing whatever the fuck you want.
We ended up at a lesbian bar and all my co-workers tried to get me laid. This is not how I envisioned coming out.
so "excuse the stench" wasn't the correct thing to say when your boyfriend's parents walk in on you shitting. Live and learn
did I ever tell you about my gay jesus theory?
I renamed some of my contacts in my phone before passing out and I have one I cant figure out, its "fucking house elf scum"
we should most definitely have a fire extinguisher in the apartment. like... for sure
I brought those bastards cookies so they can deal with my sex noise, fuck them and their roommate asses
woke up with 8 used magnum condoms bound together by floss around my neck, thats about all im gonna tell you.
there's a giant awkward home-wrecking elephant in the room. and its name is meg.
He also sent me nipple clamps because romance is NOT dead
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